Second Principle of Success
Just as Important as the First
I just saw a post on Facebook from a cousin by marriage, and it irritated me. I'll call her Suzy, not her real name. She tried to take a picture of the recent Super Moon and after she looked at her picture; she posted:
Just the moon telling me to stop trying. You'll always be a failure. Deal with it.
Why did she say that? Because the picture looked like everybody's first picture of a full moon. It was just a white dot on a black background. It didn't show the large beautiful moon that a Super Moon looks like in real life as it comes over the horizon. The picture below is not her picture, though I suspect this is what she thought it would look like. (Though I don't know how the stars are shining through the dark side of the moon.)
What did I say to her? (Feel free to yell at me in the comments if you think this was an inappropriate remark.)
Or you can change how you think. Imagine a 1-year-old kid. The first time she tries to walk, and she falls. Do her parents put her in a basket and never let her try to walk ever again? No! They encourage her each time and she develops the muscles needed to succeed. Maybe your failure at taking a picture of the full moon is due to not researching how to take a picture of the moon. Are you expecting your first try at taking a picture will match a professional photographer's capabilities? To me, not succeeding at a task means I need two things. Research and practice. It has NOTHING to do with who I am as a person or my self-esteem. Use the internet. Find out what you did wrong and what tools you need to take better moon photos. There's a full moon every month. Sure be disappointed, but it DOES NOT make you a failure as a person. I didn't see any one year olds in the Olympics. Doesn't mean someday they can't get there. I believe you are terrific. Cousin. Prove me right.
What is the Second Principle of Success?
You are NOT a failure as a person if you don't succeed at a specific task.
Do I need to repeat it?
You are NOT a failure as a person if you don't succeed at a specific task.
In this world where everyone posts their highlight reels of their successes, we sometimes think we are horrible failures in life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Imagine over a three-month time period twelve of your closest friends posted on social media a video of them breaking a personal best athletic performance, opening a restaurant, publishing a book, making a sizeable profit from the sale of a piece of art they created, reaching a million followers on social media for some niche market they excel at, or . . .
No wonder I feel like crap when I go to bed. All my friends and FB acquaintances are rocking the world, and I can't even get out of bed in the morning. And when I do, I feel like everything I do is wrong or doesn't work out the way I expect it to.
Do you want to know three steps you can take in your life to change your perspective about events you experience?
- Research
- Learn
- Practice
I fail as much as anybody, but over the years, I learned how to not internalize those failures to mean that I personally am a failure. I try to re-frame (See Anthony Robbins for more details on this) that failure and to realize that if I had failed in something that was important to me, then I need to work harder to overcome those failures and turn them into success.
Have you ever tried to cook a dish for a special friend or occasion and it turned out horrible? Did you ever again try to make that dish? Why not? It's cooking. You follow a recipe and if you get the ingredients right, and in the right order, and cook them for the proper length of time, it should turn out edible.
Everything in life is like that. An Olympic athlete follows a specific formula to succeed in life. Guess what? It entails learning the formula and then practicing the formula over and over again until you get it right. Do you think the top Olympians just walked out on the balance beam and started doing flips and spins? No! They had a coach who told them what to do and then they practiced to the point where they FAILED less and less often.
Did you catch that? They FAILED less and less often. That means they failed a LOT of times. Some have broken bones to prove that they have failed.
So, get over yourself if you think you can never do what your friends are capable of doing. Does that mean we can expect Olympic Sprinter, Noah Lyles, to be on the balance beam at the next Olympics? No! He found his strengths and then honed those strengths until he was the best in the world.
Find something you enjoy doing, that you can control the outcome, then research, learn, and practice until you are the best.
Why do I say, "that you can control the outcome?" Because there are some industries and skill sets that even though you practice and research, if you can't control the outcome, you'll never be the best. Imagine the young lady that wants to play the lead in the community theater. She might be a better actress, recites the lines dead on, has a better voice, and sings better than anyone in the world, but if the show's producer wants his daughter to play the lead, then this other actress will never get that role. It's called reality.
Here's a personal story that might help you understand what I'm trying to say.
I've been singing in my church choir for the last twenty-plus years. I'm an average singer, but people have told me that I have a good voice. I'm anxiety ridden when I'm in front of people, but when I was in a group of singers, I could manage that anxiety pretty well.
After a few years, the choir director asked if any of us would like to cantor. That means you stand up in front of the choir and lead the congregation in music. I thought, I would like to try this, though I worried about my fear of singing in front of others disrupting my abilities.
So, the first time I'm scheduled to lead the singing, I am so nervous that my hands and legs are literally shaking. My wife could see my hands shaking as I sang. I hoped I could overcome my fear in a couple of attempts, but even six-months later, I was still nervous and I made mistakes because of my nerves. I would sing wrong notes, wrong words, sometimes skipping entire lines from the song I was singing. Yeah, it was bad.
I learned that if I practiced A LOT before each Sunday's mass, that I could control my fears a little better. Then, maybe nine months after starting, I had a "successful" day of singing. My choir director came up to me after the service and said, "Good job, Ken. You know, we weren't sure you were going to make it."
I laughed with her when she said it, because each week I wanted to quit, and I also didn't think I was going to make it. Yes! I was that bad.
What did I do to correct my "Failure?" I researched the songs, learned more about singing, and I practiced each week. I still sing pretty much every Sunday now, and I still practice a minimum of five hours before each Sunday service, even though I know every song that I'm scheduled to sing.
Do you want to know a secret? I still shake some times when I sing and I make a mistake every week. I'm not a failure, but sometimes my performance is a failure.
So, YOU are NOT a failure. You have failed this one time trying to take a picture, sing a song, create a computer program, paint a picture, sell a book, or interact with members of the opposite sex. But you can become successful in this skill set by researching, learning the right behaviors to become successful in this activity, and practicing as often as possible.
If you liked this article, then you might like:
The Number One Secret to Success
Image of Moon over the Mountains by Benjamin Voros on Unsplash
Image of Runner by Nicolas Hoizey on Unsplash
Image of Singer by Taylor on Unsplash